This week we've been talking about this sense of not enoughness that so many of you have resonated with. If feeling we are not enough is so negative, and so unnecessary, then why do we experience it? Where does it come from?

Whenever I begin my work with my clients, I always ask them to tell me their life story, beginning with what it was like being a kid in their family. After more than 15 years of asking this question of hundreds of human beings, I can say that this sense of not enoughness comes from experiences that shaped us when we were young.

Sometimes it's grounded in trauma: death of a loved one, drug or alcohol addiction, abuse, physical or mental illness, constant severe conflict between parents, and the list goes on....

As the end of the year approaches, when holidays, celebrations and gatherings abound, you may notice your "not enough" button getting pushed a bit more than usual.

Like when you feel like you should be doing more.

Or you're concerned about what that certain someone thinks of you.

Perhaps you wish you were a better cook,

or that your home looked neater,

or that you had lost those extra 10 pounds already.

Entire industries are grounded in the belief that we are not enough and that we must improve, become better, get more, and fix ourselves. No wonder so many people feel disheartened and depressed! It's hard to be happy when we're constantly evaluating whether we meet the standard of perfection that is projected as the ultimate...

Since 2008, it has been my privilege to certify and mentor hundreds of coaches and other human development professionals to use The Leadership Circle^TM assessment instruments. In this role, I'm often asked questions about how to interpret the differences between the self-scores and the scores given by evaluators. For example:

• Most leaders are arrogant and would likely overestimate their Creative leadership qualities and underestimate their Reactive tendencies, right?
• Which scores are more meaningful or “real”?
• How much of a gap between these two sets of scores is worthy of attention?

My response, largely unsatisfying to some, to all of these questions is the same:

“It depends.”

Depends upon what? ...

This is a reprint of a blog article I wrote two years ago. It is as relevant to me today as it was back then. In it are the seeds for our end of October energy experiment, for those who are members of This Human Being Community.

Enjoy!
Shahmeen

My younger son is in his last year of elementary school. This morning I was reflecting on how grateful I am to his school for supporting him, and his peers, as they prepare to transition to high school. The teachers, guidance counsellors and Principal are wonderful human beings who care so deeply about these young people and really want to get them launched well for their next chapter.

You know what? We all need circles of support. Even those of us who appear so competent, capable and together.

...

Twenty years ago when I still worked in the public service, I managed a small team of people who wrote guides to help people follow strategic procurement policies. Things started off well enough. The analysts would bring their products to me, excited to be contributing to our mission. I would take them, read them, then return them completely covered with red edits.

They would take them back and get to work, determined to please me, returning them quickly with all edits completed. I would read them, start editing, then take them home so I could rework them the way I wanted. I'd triumphantly hand them back the next day, sure that I was inspiring them with a good model for the kind of quality I wanted our shop to produce.

They were...

By Shahmeen Sadiq

There are women all over the planet who will not be celebrated today, nor will they celebrate.

These women never get featured in movies, magazines, on Instagram or LinkedIn or anywhere else. They don't get invited to sit on panels or speak to media personalities about their lives. They are the women who quietly, doggedly, with grit and resilience, hold up their respective pieces of the world.

These are the faceless nameless many who toil day and night in fields, in homes, in classrooms and clinics, in boardrooms, offices and stores, doing what needs to be done to care of their families. They may be young or old, single, married, divorced or widowed. They pay the rent, the mortgage, the bills, buy food if they can, clothe...

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves."
- from Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver

My one wish for you this year, is that you will let yourself love what you love.

Growing up, my family loved all things intellectual. Thinking, intelligence, being smart...these were the things that mattered most. The arts were good (I learned to play the piano for years), sports were tolerated, but academic pursuits of the mind were of primary importance; indeed they were the only things that were really of value.

This served me well! I built my first career in the public service largely on the strength of my intellect. My...

It was an early morning flight, two days after a big snowstorm, and the security lines were packed full of people.

We were a collection of individuals, all focused on getting through the drudgery of the airport process: take off shoes, laptops out of bags, any liquids? I try to remain positive but I have to admit my default has been to regard the security folks, connected to the process they represent, as "pains in the behind". 

This particular morning there was a gentleman just ahead in the line who was holding things up. He had placed his items on the table but now wasn’t moving forward. This caught my attention and as I gazed at him I noticed he was trembling. I began to wonder if he was OK and was just considering moving...

by Juan Madina, Management Consultant and Executive Coach

I have been wanting to post this for quite some time but did not muster the courage until now. My daughter who is now 10 made this picture a little over a year ago. We have it posted in her room and it is a humbling reminder of the innocence and beauty of a child's mind.

Last night I watched this movie called “The Kite Runner” on Netflix. This movie does not have very famous cast or great special effects, but it was REAL. It combined the beauty, simplicity and innocence of children with the harsh reality and cruelty that the world is plagued with today. It was both uplifting and heart wrenching.

In looking at this image again today I wondered, what kind of world...